Fulfilling Mother's Expectations
by Jac Coyne | Lacrosse Magazine Online Staff | Coyne Archive
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James Allen (left) and his son, Rob, are using lacrosse
as a way to cope with the loss of a wife and mother. It's not going
to be easy, but their involvement with the Carthage men's
lacrosse program is a way to keep Mary Allen's memory
alive. |
Mary Allen isn't watching from her normal spot anymore.
Last year, Mary would greet you with a smile when you entered Art
Keller Field, the home of Carthage lacrosse, as she stood under the
red concessions tent. She'd ply you with a t-shirt, and maybe a hot
chocolate or an aged Snickers bar, in order to fulfill her role as
den mother of the Carthage parent booster group she created, dubbed
the "Red Sticks."
Mary loved it. Not only would she travel up from her home in
Northbrook, Ill., to see her son, Rob, a freshman FOGO for the Red
Men, she'd also be able to round up some spare cash for the
first-year varsity program located in Kenosha, Wis., as it tried to
break into the NCAA Division III world.
Even though she was seemingly constantly in motion on game days,
she'd always take the time to stop what she was doing during a
face-off in order to see how Rob, the third of her four children,
would fare. After all, that was the real reason she made the
trip.
As Carthage hosted its Lakefront Fall Classic this past weekend,
Mary wasn't in her usual spot. Rob was there, taking the opening
draw of the tournament against Lindenwood (Mo.), but Mary watched
from a different location.
At the start of the summer, she certainly expected to be back in
her usual position on this blustery, cold October weekend. However,
a routine check-up with her doctor on June 14 revealed the presence
of stage four colon cancer - an illness that takes 85 percent of
its victims within five years.
It took Mary in a little over two months.
"She did everything and I felt like she was Superwoman," said Rob,
standing about 50 yards from the red concession tent his mother
used to occupy. "She was always there with all of my sports. She
did the concession stands for my high school, too. She was just
always there."
His voice doesn't crack and his eyes don't get misty when he talks
about his mother, who died just a little over a month ago. Dave
Neff, the Carthage coach, believes Rob keeps it together for the
good of his family. His youngest brother is in sixth grade and must
go through the sometimes traumatic high school years without a
mother, so an emotional wreck of an older brother would be
counterproductive.
Rob's father has a simpler explanation.
"He's pretty tough," said James Allen, the last word catching in
the back of his throat.
The son's stoicism conceals a deep hurt, one that made Rob
want to hang up his lacrosse stick.
"I stopped playing summer ball and I visited her in the hospital
and she said, ‘You're not stopping. You. Are. Not.
Stopping,'" said Rob, imitating his mother's no-nonsense tone. "She
was really worried about me quitting if anything happened to her.
She cared about this sport and she cared about me playing because
she knew I loved it."
Now, not playing is not an option.
"If I quit, it would almost be a slap in the face to her," he said.
"She's still here. She's with me on the field. I just try to do
everything to keep her in my mind when I play."
"She liked this kind of stuff," said James, nodding toward the
concessions tent filled with parents. "She started the lacrosse
booster club and she liked being here, so Rob's just playing for
her."
Continuing to play is also a quiet thank you to the Carthage
team.
Many of the players and coaches made the hour drive to attend
Mary's wake in late August and have helped their teammate through
the recovery process. The team sought contributions at the
Lakefront Classic to raise money for the American Cancer Society in
Mary's name and had Rob take the opening face-off of the tournament
- a draw that went to Lindenwood because of a procedure call
against Rob.
"I guess Mom wasn't helping me out right there," he said with a
small laugh.
Mary's love of lacrosse is helping the family cope, especially for
her husband. Rob knows his father is not doing great, but coming up
to the games and helping out with the concessions - James'
specialty is the grill - has brought a bit of normalcy.
"Losing the love of your life is going to set you back forever,"
said Rob about his father. "He's never going to recover from it,
but he's trying to stay involved and stay occupied. He's right here
with me and he'll be here at every game."
"There was a time when I didn't want to, but we had to keep going,"
admitted James about working for the Red Sticks. "Keeping busy
helps. She loved it and we love it now."
Standing on the track surrounding the lacrosse field, Rob Allen
gingerly clutches his right thumb, which trainers suspect is
fractured after a slash on the final face-off of the contest. He
looks over at the concession tent where his father hovers over a
grill. The customary spot where Mary would greet fans with a smile
remains vacant.
"It's tough," he says. "It's not like I'm fine right now. It's
going to take a while for us to get back into it."
They will, because they know Mary is still watching and she
wouldn't have it any other way.
